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emptiness

fall is on it's way
my mind is elsewhere
my thoughts drifting away
I miss him, I miss him, I miss him

I feel left alone
fighting this fight on my own
while everyone else keeps on pretending
as if nothing ever happened

tired of being told how lucky I am
to have so much time
telling me I am never as busy as they are
as if they knew

they don't.
they. don't. know. a fuck.
but I start to feel empty
protecting myself against the cold.

I wish back the old times...

22.9.17 16:36


late August

on a day like today
we would have sat in the garden
drinking coffee, eating cake
talking about random things
smiling at each other
enjoying every single minute

I can't describe how much I miss you.

24.8.17 16:01


Letter to you

Today I did not make it to the cemetary. I am sorry, I wished I've had more time. I even got you flowers again, as usually whenever I get the chance to get them for you. But mum brought them to you. I feel close to you there, just like at home. You are everywhere. In the house and in the air, in the beautiful blooming garden... it's like you never actually left. For me you did not leave. You are always there. It calms me. That's why I long to get back home. One day we will. I miss you.
13.8.17 22:41


letting go......

Two very nice quotes that I recently read about letting go. They fit so well..

The reason why we can't let go of someone is because deep inside we still hope.

Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
But I promise you that it's not as hard as holding on to someone who'll never love you back.

8.8.17 13:40


the girl in the red dress

I look at my reflection in the mirror. I wear a red dress with flowers. It's a beautiful summer dress, looking slightly vintage with the high neckline and the lower part from the the waist on rather wide and flowing. It makes a beautiful figure and the colour looks bright and positive. I've never worn a dress like this before.
Mostly I wear dark dresses. I've never worn many dresses before but since 1-2 years I started to love them. But they are usually black or dark blue.

I know that he would've been happy to see me in a bright dress like this. In general he used to say I wear too many dark clothes. But he did not know about the abyss in my head and most of the trouble I had. But it's okay. I think it was better that way. He would've worried too much.

Now I wish he could see me. Who I became and how I changed. That I wear nice dresses now. That I actually feel like a woman even though I feel much younger than I am. But I also feel I've grown up more since he's gone.

I wish we could talk. Have a cup of coffee together and just talk and smile at each other. Share nice memories together. Hug each other tightly.
Just him ... and the girl in the red dress.
7.8.17 14:51


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