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I want to snuggle up to you and bury my head in your arms.
I want to dim the lights and see the stars instead.
I want to forget what happened.

The first Christmas without him being there.
The lonely seat at the end of the table.
The missing smile and the missing hugs...

I can't imagine Christmas without him
I feel lost and dizzy.
My head can't comprehend what happened this year.

I lost you forever.
I will miss you forever.
Please know..... you will be in my heart forever.

[for M.M., my granddad whom I miss so much that I can barely breathe...]

21.12.17 16:49


fall is on it's way
my mind is elsewhere
my thoughts drifting away
I miss him, I miss him, I miss him

I feel left alone
fighting this fight on my own
while everyone else keeps on pretending
as if nothing ever happened

tired of being told how lucky I am
to have so much time
telling me I am never as busy as they are
as if they knew

they don't.
they. don't. know. a fuck.
but I start to feel empty
protecting myself against the cold.

I wish back the old times...

22.9.17 16:36

late August

on a day like today
we would have sat in the garden
drinking coffee, eating cake
talking about random things
smiling at each other
enjoying every single minute

I can't describe how much I miss you.

24.8.17 16:01

Letter to you

Today I did not make it to the cemetary. I am sorry, I wished I've had more time. I even got you flowers again, as usually whenever I get the chance to get them for you. But mum brought them to you. I feel close to you there, just like at home. You are everywhere. In the house and in the air, in the beautiful blooming garden... it's like you never actually left. For me you did not leave. You are always there. It calms me. That's why I long to get back home. One day we will. I miss you.
13.8.17 22:41

letting go......

Two very nice quotes that I recently read about letting go. They fit so well..

The reason why we can't let go of someone is because deep inside we still hope.

Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
But I promise you that it's not as hard as holding on to someone who'll never love you back.

8.8.17 13:40

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