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I watched you die

I watched you die. Again. It felt so real even though it was just a nightmare. Many people where there.. people that barely ever visited you once you were sick. A nasty reminder of how I felt about it all. How I still feel about it. How my nightmares show me just how raw my emotions still are. How much I still grieve. How much I miss you. How I feel that somehow you could hold me together if you were still here.


Doch auch der Sturm verweht die Gedanken nicht
Lebenslang im Kampf
Und auch der Regen löscht die Tränen nicht
und dein Gesicht verbrennt
Es brennt...

Du kannst nichts mehr hören
Das Rauschen ist längst verstummt
Dein Körper gespalten
Fast alles bleibt

Du fragst nicht mehr
Was sollte sich jetzt noch ändern
Du fragst nicht mehr
Das Blatt kann sich nicht mehr wenden
Du fragst nicht mehr
Welchen Weg du gehen sollst
Du fragst nicht mehr
Denn du trägst die Antwort in dir

(Zeraphine - Du Fragst Nicht Mehr) 

22.1.19 13:53

Castle of Glass

Bring me home in a blinding dream
Through the secrets that I have seen
Wash the sorrow from off my skin
Show me how to be whole again

Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything there for you to see
For you to see

Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything else I need to be

[Linkin Park]
13.1.19 12:34

In der Tiefe

Und der Wind trägt mich fort, immer weiter ...
Die Uhren stehen still, nur das Licht vergeht.
11.1.19 19:35

Forever lost

you look me in the eye
but still you don't see me
you see the shell
but you can't seem to look through

I am hidden inside
burying myself in my mind
struggling to break free
but my fear is stopping me

I feel forever lost
watching the stars with a heavy heart
silence the voices in my head
and make me forget…


9.1.19 09:28

the cold wind is blowing

and I feel lost
I keep myself busy
keeping my mood swings at bay
until they unfalter at home

thinking about the beautiful roses I left on your grave
now frozen
the icy letters that form your name
the leaves that cover the stone

we are separated by a lifetime.
30.11.18 10:55

Time can break your heart

you and me
standing at the abyss
we look into the dark
I wish you held my hand more tightly

waves wash over me
you have seen the pain in me before
my voice is breaking
as I see the world moving too fast

time can break your heart
over and over again
hold me close
stop that dizziness in my head

whisper to me
that everything will be allright
hoping I trust your words
and hold on to you forever


M & M & M

24.10.18 10:25

All is Violent, all is Bright

Sometimes there is a chaos in my head that I can't seem to get rid of. I think too much. I feel too much. I miss so many things too much.
I am trying to grab a hold on my daily life without looking back too much. I need to give myself time. And I take the time to wallow if I need it.

Lately, I have been listening to post-rock a lot. It's basically music without vocals - it's telling a story without using lyrics. I love lyrics, usually. But sometimes it is very intense and you focus on the lyrics a lot. When listening to instrumental / post-rock music, you can focus on the music entirely, without getting distracted by vocals. It's helping me a lot. I love God is an Astronaut. I feel very calm when listening to their music. It makes me think about the stars, the universe and how quiet it is. And how insignificant we all are.

2.10.18 13:33

Sometimes I feel I'm not here

Sometimes I'd rather take a beating
Sometimes I'd rather take a punch
I learn more when I am bleeding
You knock me down, then I get up
Sometimes I need to forgive you
Sometimes I want to destroy
Sometimes I know it was not your fault
But I blame you anyway
Sometimes I don't like to quarrel
Sometimes I feel too afraid
Sometimes I know I'm not meant do it
I do it anyway
Sometimes I feel so jealous
Sometimes I feel insecure
Sometimes I feel like I vanished in thin air
Sometimes I feel I'm not here
[Garbage - Sometimes]
10.8.18 09:33

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