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the cold wind is blowing

and I feel lost
I keep myself busy
keeping my mood swings at bay
until they unfalter at home

thinking about the beautiful roses I left on your grave
now frozen
the icy letters that form your name
the leaves that cover the stone

we are separated by a lifetime.
30.11.18 10:55


Time can break your heart

you and me
standing at the abyss
we look into the dark
I wish you held my hand more tightly

waves wash over me
you have seen the pain in me before
my voice is breaking
as I see the world moving too fast

time can break your heart
over and over again
hold me close
stop that dizziness in my head

whisper to me
that everything will be allright
hoping I trust your words
and hold on to you forever

...

M & M & M

24.10.18 10:25


All is Violent, all is Bright

Sometimes there is a chaos in my head that I can't seem to get rid of. I think too much. I feel too much. I miss so many things too much.
I am trying to grab a hold on my daily life without looking back too much. I need to give myself time. And I take the time to wallow if I need it.

Lately, I have been listening to post-rock a lot. It's basically music without vocals - it's telling a story without using lyrics. I love lyrics, usually. But sometimes it is very intense and you focus on the lyrics a lot. When listening to instrumental / post-rock music, you can focus on the music entirely, without getting distracted by vocals. It's helping me a lot. I love God is an Astronaut. I feel very calm when listening to their music. It makes me think about the stars, the universe and how quiet it is. And how insignificant we all are.

2.10.18 13:33


Sometimes I feel I'm not here

Sometimes I'd rather take a beating
Sometimes I'd rather take a punch
I learn more when I am bleeding
You knock me down, then I get up
 
Sometimes I need to forgive you
Sometimes I want to destroy
Sometimes I know it was not your fault
But I blame you anyway
 
Sometimes I don't like to quarrel
Sometimes I feel too afraid
Sometimes I know I'm not meant do it
I do it anyway
 
Sometimes I feel so jealous
Sometimes I feel insecure
Sometimes I feel like I vanished in thin air
Sometimes I feel I'm not here
 
[Garbage - Sometimes]
10.8.18 09:33


Christmas.....

I want to snuggle up to you and bury my head in your arms.
I want to dim the lights and see the stars instead.
I want to forget what happened.

The first Christmas without him being there.
The lonely seat at the end of the table.
The missing smile and the missing hugs...

I can't imagine Christmas without him
I feel lost and dizzy.
My head can't comprehend what happened this year.

I lost you forever.
I will miss you forever.
Please know..... you will be in my heart forever.

[for M.M., my granddad whom I miss so much that I can barely breathe...]

21.12.17 16:49


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