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the girl in the red dress
I look at my reflection in the mirror. I wear a red dress with flowers. It's a beautiful summer dress, looking slightly vintage with the high neckline and the lower part from the the waist on rather wide and flowing. It makes a beautiful figure and the colour looks bright and positive. I've never worn a dress like this before.
Mostly I wear dark dresses. I've never worn many dresses before but since 1-2 years I started to love them. But they are usually black or dark blue.
I know that he would've been happy to see me in a bright dress like this. In general he used to say I wear too many dark clothes. But he did not know about the abyss in my head and most of the trouble I had. But it's okay. I think it was better that way. He would've worried too much.
Now I wish he could see me. Who I became and how I changed. That I wear nice dresses now. That I actually feel like a woman even though I feel much younger than I am. But I also feel I've grown up more since he's gone.
I wish we could talk. Have a cup of coffee together and just talk and smile at each other. Share nice memories together. Hug each other tightly.
Just him ... and the girl in the red dress.
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Letzte Einträge: a memory that lingers, letting go...... , Christmas....., Forever lost, In der Tiefe, I watched you die
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